Bed-Sharing: A Comprehensive Guide to Safe and Nurturing Nighttime Practices

Every family’s sleep journey is unique, and the decision of where your baby will sleep is deeply personal. Our goal is to provide compassionate, informed guidance that supports your family’s individual needs.

Understanding Bed-Sharing

Bed-sharing is a natural and common practice worldwide. According to leading experts Professor James McKenna and Helen Ball, between 60 and 75 percent of breastfeeding mothers bed-share, often unintentionally. This is the biological norm—most mothers around the world practice bed-sharing.

The Privilege of Choice

It’s important to recognize that the ability to choose a sleep arrangement is a privilege. Many parents cannot afford separate sleep surfaces or multiple rooms. Our aim is to normalize bed-sharing and provide supportive, non-judgmental information.

The Biological Perspective

Professor James McKenna powerfully argues against blanket condemnations of bed-sharing. In his book “Safe Infant Sleep,” he states:

“Unfortunately, many well-intentioned people, professional and lay alike, believe that all forms of cosleeping are harmful and cannot be made safe… To perpetuate to the public the idea that the mother’s body, no matter what her intentions, motives, or capacities, represents an inherent threat to her infant is not only scientifically unsupportable, but far more dangerous in the long run than the idea of cosleeping itself.”

A Global Perspective

Consider Japan, an industrialized country with:

  • Extremely low infant mortality rates (less than 3 per 1,000 live births)
  • Remarkably low SIDS rates (0.2-0.3 per 1,000 live births)
  • High rates of bed-sharing and breastfeeding

McKenna notes that as bed-sharing, breastfeeding increased, and maternal smoking decreased, SIDS rates declined—suggesting it’s not bed-sharing itself, but how it is practiced, that matters.

Breastsleeping: A New Understanding

McKenna introduces the term “breastsleeping,” emphasizing the intrinsic connection between breastfeeding and sleep:

“There is no such thing as infant sleep, there is no such thing as breastfeeding, there is only breastsleeping.”

Safe Bed-Sharing Guidelines

If you choose to bed-share, follow these critical safety measures:

When NOT to Bed-Share

  • If anyone in the home is a smoker
  • If anyone has been drinking
  • If anyone is taking drugs (including certain prescription medications)
  • If you are formula feeding

Safe Bed-Sharing Checklist

  • Use a bed close to the ground (ideally on the floor)
  • Position the bed in the middle of the room
  • Baby should be next to mom only
  • Mom should sleep in a protective position:
    • Side-lying
    • Knees pulled up to baby’s feet
    • Bottom arm over baby’s head
    • Top arm touching baby’s leg or feet
  • Avoid thick blankets or comforters
  • Place baby on their back
  • Dress baby lightly
  • Ensure no cords or dangerous items near the bed

Important Cautions

  • Do NOT use devices like DockATot or baby nests in the bed
  • These are NOT safe for sleeping

Deeper Learning and Resources

We invite you to explore these expert resources for comprehensive guidance:

Recommended Links to Visit for Safe Sleep Information

In-Depth Learning

For a comprehensive understanding of attachment-focused infant sleep, and to learn from Professor McKenna, we recommend our specialized course:

Sleep WITHOUT Sleep Training Course

  • Comprehensive modules on infant sleep
  • Expert insights from Professor James McKenna
  • 44 modules covering normal infant sleep
  • Science and fact-based information
  • Support for your unique family journey

Explore the Sleep WITHOUT Sleep Training Course

A Final Compassionate Note

Breastsleeping doesn’t work for every family. Some mothers find it uncomfortable, or prefer sleeping with their partner. The most important thing is finding what works for you while prioritizing safety and connection.

Personalized Support

Need more guidance? We’re here to help.

Book Your Personalized Sleep Consultation

Remember: You are your baby’s greatest expert. Trust your instincts, approach sleep with love, and know that you are doing an amazing job.